so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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