I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
