The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
