After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Pants are for mortals
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
