Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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