She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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