apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
