hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
