Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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