Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
