I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
