How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dignity is for republicans.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
