So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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