I want to have your abortion
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
there is puke in my bra ... again
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
