Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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