well you can't waste a boner
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
