you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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