If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
