Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I would ride that face into the sunset
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
