I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
