I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's Friday. Sex?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
