Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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