If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
