I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i was born a porn star she said
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
