beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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