I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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