you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
