this beer tastes like vomit already
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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