Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
