It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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