Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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