It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
