Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
