So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
