dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
