worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
