Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
