all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
