Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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