Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
