I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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