Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
