Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
