On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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