you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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