i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
