This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
