While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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