I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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