Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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