I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
vagina is talking i cant
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
