Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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