Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
